Ellieisms

People who know me well, and my children, are occasionally amused by little expressions I use.  Most are original, when not so they are attributed.

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 “You have to ask yourself, is anybody pregnant? Is anybody dead?
Is anybody in jail? If the answers are, No, then it’s been a good day.”

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“Here’s what you need to know about the Moral Highground, The Real Estate is Very Expensive, and You Will Have No Neighbors!”

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“Just because you are over-dramatic doesn’t mean that theatrical things don’t actually happen to you.”

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“The early bird catches the worm, like our grandmothers taught us; but it’s the girl who stays at her computer until nearly 11:00 at night who takes care of business!”

Exchange between Ellie and Jen Barton, Director of the Genoa, Illinois Public Library

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The Riot Act:

“Our Sovereign Lord the King chargeth and commandeth all persons here assembled immediately to disperse themselves and peaceably to depart to their habitations or to their lawful business upon the pains contained in the act made in the first year of our Lord for preventing tumultuous and riotess assemblies. God Save the King.”

The English Government, 1717

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 “Never Underestimate the Influence of The Boss Lady”

A Craigism from Craig Pierce, www.craigrpierce.com

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“If I had to be stranded on a desert island with one of my three children I think I should have to pick Lauren as that would be my only chance of not being killed and eaten.”

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“So, if someone wants to know what you do and why, set up a meeting with them so you can introduce them to the faire, draw them in or scare them off…”

Exchange between Ellie and Andrea Malquist in November of 2014
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“Real Women Drive Stick!”

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“It’s all about the Comedy”

Mark Howe

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And the Corollary… “It’s all about the Divine Comedy”

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 “When I stand before God at the end of my life I would hope I would have not a single bit of talent left and could say
I used everything you gave me

Erma Bombeck

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“Crazy is the sinister form of eccentric.”

Libby Elliot 9/9/15

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“Don’t throw money at a problem.  The problem will always catch the
money.  It will have a great time and you’ll be broke.”

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“I feel about cooking shows on television about the same way
I feel about pornography: you might pick up a few good ideas
but it’s really much more fun just to do it yourself”

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“If this doesn’t work out I’m just going to cut my shoelaces and go straight up.”

Deb Crank Lewis (friend from Grad School)

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“Never show your temper or your thighs to someone you are not
related to or sleeping with.”

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I am often asked how it is that I get so many things done.  My reply usually is,

“I don’t sleep very much, I hardly ever watch television, and my house is a mess!”

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“The nurses who delivered Amanda said I could be as bad as I wanted to be for the rest of my life, I was going to heaven for having a ten pound baby with no drugs.”

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“Oh Bother, said Pooh,”

A.A. Milne

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“In the end, the only person you ever really sleep with, is yourself”

Nina Feinstein

pen“We teach people how to treat us”

Keith Coryell
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My dear friend Liz says I should add this one…

“Get ’em up there where the people can see ’em!”

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“It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas,
half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and we’re wearing sunglasses”
“Hit it”

The Blues Brothers

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“Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

Ralph Waldo Emmerson
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“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.”

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“There wouldn’t be so many stars if we all had the same wish”

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“How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?”
“A fish”

PHC Joke Show
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“A really good cook can make a meal for five people out of an empty kitchen.”

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“Men living alone are just bears, with furniture”

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“Rome wasn’t built in a day.”
“But I wasn’t working on that job”

John Chambers
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“If you only had an hour to live, who would you call, what would you say, and what are you waiting for?”

Sandi Wheelhouse Sauvage
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“There’s two things you need to know about men and women:
women are crazy and men are stupid, and the main reason
that women are crazy is that men are stupid.”

George Carlin
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“None of these days are promised to any of us”

Donna Braden

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“Why can’t men get Mad Cow Disease?”
“Because they’re Pigs”

PHC Joke Show

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“Who has more fun than us!”